Add all the scores of the oddnumbered items (1, 3, 5, 7 . . . 23).
Odd numbered total = __________
Add all the scores from the even numbered items (2, 4, 6, 8 . . . 24).
Even numbered total = __________
If the odd numbered total was greater than the even numbered total, subtract the greater from the lesser number and then follow the number with a hyphen and the word odd. For example if the odd numbered total was larger than the even numbered total by 20 the final score would be 20-Odd.
If the even numbered total was greater than the odd numbered total subtract the greater from the lesser number and then follow the number with a hyphen and the word even. For example if the even numbered total was larger than the odd numbered total by 20 the final score would be 20-even.
Final Score ______ _______
(Odd or Even depending on which total was larger)
27-even to 33-even: You have a strong head start in both building emotional safety and communicating three dimensionally. There is evidence of much empathy, caring and love in your relationship.
22-even to 26-even: You have significant strengths in your relationship. Work on slowing down the communication process so that you build understandings not only on what you think your partner has said or done but on what they intended to say or do. Effort to understand whether this discrepancy between what you think your partner means to say and what they state they are intending will move your dialogue forward. You have good reason to feel hopeful about making progress with deepening emotional safety and three dimensional communication with your partner.
0 to 21-even: You have strengths in your relationship but also many points of confusion and disconnection. Please go over examples of three dimensional communication and all the exercises in this book carefully. Your potential to make great progress with your partner is within reach but will take perseverance.
1-odd to 21-odd: Your relationship is fraught with disappointment and loneliness. You show signs of wanting to break out of the confusion. Persevere and you will be able to assess your relationship’s true potential for improved communication and loving good will.
22-odd to 26-odd: There is a formidable amount of conflict and attitudes have hardened so that it is likely you and your partner feel like adversaries as often (or more often) than like allies. Despite the problems, concerted effort at learning to build emotional safety and threedimensional communication can help you make changes that you may now feel are beyond your capability. Do not give up without trying to improve things, but be wary of overextending yourself. You will not be able to improve the relationship on your own. You will need your partner’s active support and cooperation.
27-odd to 33-odd: You and your partner rarely see eye to eye. Perhaps you need to speak to each other about whether you are willing to try to make things better with each other? If you can get a commitment to work on problems together the relationship can advance towards the realm of empathy and trust quickly. If not, the situation seems extremely difficult. Not hopeless, but difficult. Before giving up or deciding that things are too hard to change, attempt to make the ideas connected to three dimensional communication and emotional safety come alive for you. You probably feel alone much of the time, even when you are with your partner. Keep in mind they likely feel the same way too. If you can establish a common goal —helping each other feel better when you are together, it can go a long way towards changing the mood of the relationship for the better. If your score is in this range I invite you, after working with the ideas in this book, to write me and let me know if the book has been helpful to you. I promise to respond to your email.
Knowing Your Three Dimensionality Quotient Makes a Difference!
(Source: I’m Not a Mind Reader: Using Three Dimensional Communication to Make a Better Relationship (HCL, 2015)