Good communication has vast implications. For couples who enjoy it, they are able to take their potential to the limit. And those without it? Many couples fail to connect erotically because of poor communication. Others, like those who argue constantly about money, would see their savings–in terms of stress—skyrocket if they were able to generate emotional safety as part of the way they talked to one another. A good first step in that direction would be to understand how that can be done.
Despite almost universally wanting improvement in communication, partners–when asked to define how it works—tend to stumble, mumble and bumble, though not always in that order. That’s because, for too many, communication resides in-between the far side of mystery and the near end of bewilderment. When asked whether communication has a structure, the most common response is a quizzical look. Some hold that good communication requires talent–like being able to sing on key. These believe that if you can’t hit the right notes in conversation you are doomed to a life of isolation, insecurity and loneliness. How do we overcome these misleading notions?
What do you think about this? Would it make sense for anyone to say that being able to derive sustenance from food is a talent that only a gifted few possess? I don’t think I could find anyone to make that argument. Yet deriving the qualities that go into making us truly human, integrating the capacities that allow us to form our sense of self results from, and depends on, communication. As surely as we utilize food to form the foundation—skin, teeth, bones, internal organs and so on–that sustains our physical existence; so we utilize meanings derived from experiences with others to form the neural networks that become the core of our individual identities and of our connection to humanity at large. In short, without participating in effective human communication throughout our life span, our capacity to love and cherish others, as well as ourselves, cannot thrive.